- Spend time with your children each and every day. Even when you are out of town on a business trip you need to pick up the phone and talk to them. When you talk to your children try not to ask them questions that are answered with "Yes" and "No". Instead, try asking them questions that require detailed answers.
- For example: What did you learn in school today? What games did you play at recess? What is your favorite television show? Why? When you think about college what subjects really interest you? I pray with my children every night before they go to sleep at night. In my prayers I verbally encourage them as I pray by letting them know how much I love them and what characteristics I treasure in each of them.
- Your child is unique. If you have more than one child you understand how different each one of them is from the other. As they grow older they begin to develop different interest in the world around them. As fathers we sometimes get so distracted by our own world that we overlook the detailed world of our children.
- Nothing says I care and love you more than when you participate in the seemingly trivial world of your children. We fathers have forgotten what being a child was like and consequently we forgotten what's important to our children. I challenge you right now to make a list of 3 things you can do with your child(ren) that they enjoy doing.
- Sometimes we fathers get too caught up in our own busy lives. We don't pay enough attention to our kids when we talk to them. Doesn't it bother you when you are talking to your kids and they are staring at the television or playing with their video game? Wouldn't it make you feel like you mattered if they gave you their full attention? Next time you engage your children in a conversation try looking directly at your children when they respond back to you.
- Let them know that what they have to say is important. This is a very tough practice to achieve because we men, generally speaking, get very focused on what we are doing. If possible try doing this every day for a week.
- Tell your story. Your history, and that of your parents and your own family, can be interesting to your child. A young child often feels the world began at his/her birth. By reflecting on your past, you provide your child with the intriguing sense of history and of past generations.
- You need not tell all the details of your history, but only those which leave your child with the feeling that you too were once a child and you grew up and became an involved father. All of your life experiences are only useful if your kids know that you are being open and honest with them.
- Remember that you are your children's role model. Your kids are looking to you to learn how a responsible and mature adult acts. Do chores around the house with your children, make them feel good about helping you and teach them that men also share household duties.
- Encourage your children to think for themselves. Guide and help them with their decision making process and then stand back and watch them do it themselves. Do all of this while they are young and you can still make an impression on their minds. Don't wait until they get older.
Tip #6. Put Parenting First And Use Your Time Wisely
- As a father you must put your responsibility to your kids first. That means nothing else is more important than being daddy. Not your job. Not your hobbies. Not watching sports on television. Your kids are first and foremost.
- This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands and attractions. To be a great father you must consciously plan and devote time to being with your children making it your top priority.
- Anger. It's very real. It's very normal. Everyone experiences it. But what causes you to feel angry? As a father if you are able to identify those things that your children do that make you angry you will be more readily equipped to extinguish the flames before you ignite. Do you know what I mean? I know for example that one of my trigger points is when I feel out of control.
- However, you can find ways to express your anger that doesn't hurt, belittle, or insult your children. Anger in its destructive form can make a child's misbehavior worse. If you control your reaction to something your child does, the behavior will stop sooner, won't last as long, or be as severe.
- For example, if your child lost a pair of scissors, you need to say, "I'm upset because I need those scissors for my sewing project," rather than name calling.
- If you are a first time or new father you should plan on taking time off from work before your new baby arrives. If possible, take paternity leave. Most new fathers have access to some form of leave, but only a small percentage actually takes advantage of it.
- Your baby will only be a newborn for a month. Nearly anything can be put on hold for a couple of weeks. If the blessed event has already occurred and you haven't already done so plan to take a week off from work to spend with your newborn child.
- The best advice for new dads is to get your hands on your baby as soon as, and as often as, possible. Through the process of directly caring for your infant you will learn what your baby needs, how he or she communicates, and what comforting techniques work best. Don't (I repeat) Do not leave this responsibility to the child's mother. You are a dad now.
- I know, I know, for some of us dads this will be like pulling teeth. But as their father if you want to communicate love and acceptance to your kids so that they will know they are loved then you've got to be willing to pull them close and hug them. If you were never touched (in an appropriate, compassionate way) by your own father it may be difficult for you to touch your own children.
- I know this one is hard to hear. But it's true. It's time for you as a father to get over yourself: life no longer revolves around you and your needs. I've "discovered" that being a father is not about my getting my needs met. Being a father is all about my kids and meeting their needs.
- This doesn't mean catering to their every whim. But in the course of everyday events your children's needs should come before your own. Sure, you need to take time for yourself. Every father needs time to recharge his batteries. But, the sooner we, as fathers, learn to put aside our own needs the sooner we will begin to establish the kind of relationship our children long to have from us.
- What does that mean? It doesn't matter whether you are a first time father, divorced father, stepfather, or a stay at home father. I know that every parenting situation brings with it a unique set of circumstances but in the end fatherhood means less of you and more of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment